The Census Races

No Clyde, there ain’t no winner.  But, maybe we should give ‘em an award of some kind anyways. Maybe we could give ‘em a sign.  You know, a sign like that Bill Engvall fella sang about a few years back.  Y’all remember, “Here’s Your Sign”? (If your a city-slicker, it was about people with signs that say, “I am stupid”)  Yep, they earned it. 

Oh yeah, reckon I forgot to tell ya who I’m talkin’ about.  It’s them folks over at the U.S. Census Bureau, that’s who.  They got one real sweet job up thar in Washington. They only do real work once every 10 years.  O’course once the countin’s done, they get 9 years to figure out what it all means.  I tell ya they’re gonna have hoedown with them numbers this time around.  Here’s what I mean - this here’s right off one of them Census Forms.

First off, if’n you habla español better than English, you ain’t in the Races.  But them folks are real interested in you, Juan.  Reckon I don’t know if that’s good or bad, but they sure are nosey ‘bout where you come from.

That second question really got me cornfused.  Ya see, way back when I was getting schooled, we was taught that all us human beings were divided up in 3 Races: Caucasoid, Mongoloid, and Negroid.  Of course somebody had to go and add Australoid to the list.  But that’s OK.  You can call it 4 Races if you want.  That still don’t come close to what them Census fellas come up with.  Even after kickin’ off ma shoes, I still couldn’t count ‘em all!  Maybe they was afraid of bein’ called a racist or something if they didn’t include every ethnicity on the planet.  Wonder what they’d do with a Chicano from Fiji?  Just wonderin'.

Maybe they shoulda just put 2 choices on them forms: American and Other  (followed with a blank line so’s you could enter your green card number.)   Sure make it easier to count.  It’s one or ta'other.  And if it’s “Other” and a blank line, you ship ‘em out.  That’s what I think, but I am…

Justan O. Geezer