A letter from Kathleen Sebelius

Real nice day out there.  Good for a leisurely walk up to the road to get the mail.  Got the usual ads for cable TV and such.  But I also got a letter from Kathleen Sebelius.  You know, that gal from Kansas that moved on up to Washington.  She's runnin' the Department of Health and Human Services now.


Well sir, it was a real nice letter.  4 pages long, in fact.  Nice glossy paper and all.  Sebelius said she was goin' to explain about that new national health care law that Congress passed.  Yep, reckon that needs some explaining.  'Course, you can't explain a law that was way over 2000 pages long in just 4 pages, so it was a little short on facts, if you know what I mean.  She done a lot of explaining, but she never did get 'round to some of my questions.  Maybe I'll just write her a letter.


She explained how this thing is gonna get paid for by "reducing fraud and waste."  That there is a good idea.  But I got a question, neighbor - Aren't them the same people that been running Medicare for the last 45 years?  Why ain't they fixed it before?   Don't think I can swallow that whopper.


There's other things I don't quite understand.  Like that "donut hole" thing.  A few years back Congress went and created that thing.  Wouldn't ya think it would be real easy for them to undo it?  Now this new law will "begin" to fix it.  'Course that's gonna take 10 years.  Why?


Another thing Congress did a while back was to create these "Medicare Advantage" Plans.  They was supposed to be better than regular ol' Medicare.  Congress even saw fit to give them insurance companies an extra $1000 a person just for all them extras.  Now the government says the 77% of seniors who did NOT sign up for those plans are paying way more than they're fair share.  So who messed it up in the first place?  Wasn't nobody 'round here, but you know what's gonna happen, right?


The President made a stink about folks "being denied coverage due to pre-existing conditions."  Well, I'm with him on that one, friend.  But how come it won't happen for FOUR YEARS?  Sure gives them insurance companies time to raise rates and come up with some other excuses to not pay-up.  A right easy way would be for them to "no longer offer that coverage."  Then folks would get to sign up for the government's (not really socialized medicine) plan.


As far as that goes, why is it there's a bunch of stuff that won't happen for 4 years?  Is that so nobody figures it out until after the next election?  Heck. There I go askin' all them questions again.  But what did you expect?  I am...
Justan O. Geezer


PS.  Sorry to rain on your parade Kathy.  Reckon you needed a longer letter.

Enrico Caruso was a Vulcan

Used to be there was always something that needed tendin’ around the spread. But in the evening, after all the chores got done, I’d kick back and watch a little TV.  There was one show I liked a lot. That was Star-Trek.  It starred William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy.  Shatner was skinny back then. ‘Course most of us were.  You folks probably don’t know it, but that Shatner fella was a comedian before he got that spaceship.  And the show was pretty funny sometimes.  Partly ‘cause of bad acting and partly from them weird situations Captain Kirk and his Vulcan sidekick got into.


I hear tell they made up a lot of that stuff as they went along.  Like the Vulcan saying of “live long and prosper” and that split-finger greeting thing.  Yep, they just done it on the fly.  Reckon I always thought that Vulcan woulda made a good honest corporation honcho.


Now, years later I find out Vulcans are real!  And they been here among us a long time!  Got proof, too!  You see, the other day I was getting’ stuff together to sell at the Annual Mayberry Community Garage Sale.  Thought I’d see if anybody might want some of my old record albums.  For you young'uns, that’s how we listened to music before iPods and CD’s and cassette tapes.  Yessir, they’re even older than 8-track tapes.


Anyway, I found this one album of opry music. Yea, yea, I know.  What the hell am I doin’ with opera music?  Well, Junior, it just so happens I like opera music.  An’ if you don’t like it, you can just go clean the barn.  Sure’s a lot better than that “cRap” stuff! 


So, I found this album called Opera’s Greatest Moments.  It even has a booklet that tells ya ‘bout each recording.  It’s got pictures of the singers, too.  And that’s where I discovered the truth about Caruso.  This here picture is the famous tenor, Enrico Caruso.  It was taken somewhere ‘round 1920.  Don’t rightly know who took the picture, but he done good.  And it absolutely proves that Vulcans have been around here a long time!

So there you have it.  Caruso was really a Vulcan.  Reckon that’s why he sang so good.  Glad I found that out.  Gotta go now.  Getting’ dark.  Time to set on the porch an watch the sky.
Justan O. Geezer

Losing Records

It was time to get my ears lowered the other day, so I headed in to Perry’s Barber Pole.  While I was waiting for ol' Harry to finish the fella he had in the chair, I picked up a copy of the Springfield Observer.  The Observer does a pretty good job of lettin' us know what goes on up there in the county seat.  Reckon somebody forgot it.  Heck, it was only a couple weeks old.  Still in pretty good shape.  There in the sports section was an article about how we lost another record to some foreigner. Our national pride sure has been takin' a lickin’ lately.

We used to be pretty good at dang’nabed everything we done. Down there on Daytona Beach we used to have the fastest straight-line cars in the world.  An’ if you liked see 'em go in circles, them fellas over in Indianapolis got goin’ pretty good.  Always wondered how they kept from gettin' dizzy.  We had the best baseball and football teams anywhere.  We learned enough about hockey to go out 'n beat the Russians.  Some ol’ boys even started racin’ around on their lawnmowers!  Doin' 80 miles an hour, at that.  Don’t reckon you can get a good cut goin’ that fast, but it sounds like fun for someone half my age.

But I'll tell ya neighbor, somewhere we lost our edge. We’re losing records to foreigners pretty regular nowdays. Some of them started showin’ up at Bonneville and stole our thunder.  Over there in Indianapolis, we got foreigners drivin’ rice-burners to the flag.  And now, or all things, some Limey over there in England got out on a beach and drove his lawnmower at over 86 MPH!  Where’s it gonna end?

I think more of our young’uns need ta learn how to hop-up engines an’ such... instead of settin’ on their behinds, “tweeting.” That’s what I think, but then I am…

Justan O. Geezer