Losing Records

It was time to get my ears lowered the other day, so I headed in to Perry’s Barber Pole.  While I was waiting for ol' Harry to finish the fella he had in the chair, I picked up a copy of the Springfield Observer.  The Observer does a pretty good job of lettin' us know what goes on up there in the county seat.  Reckon somebody forgot it.  Heck, it was only a couple weeks old.  Still in pretty good shape.  There in the sports section was an article about how we lost another record to some foreigner. Our national pride sure has been takin' a lickin’ lately.

We used to be pretty good at dang’nabed everything we done. Down there on Daytona Beach we used to have the fastest straight-line cars in the world.  An’ if you liked see 'em go in circles, them fellas over in Indianapolis got goin’ pretty good.  Always wondered how they kept from gettin' dizzy.  We had the best baseball and football teams anywhere.  We learned enough about hockey to go out 'n beat the Russians.  Some ol’ boys even started racin’ around on their lawnmowers!  Doin' 80 miles an hour, at that.  Don’t reckon you can get a good cut goin’ that fast, but it sounds like fun for someone half my age.

But I'll tell ya neighbor, somewhere we lost our edge. We’re losing records to foreigners pretty regular nowdays. Some of them started showin’ up at Bonneville and stole our thunder.  Over there in Indianapolis, we got foreigners drivin’ rice-burners to the flag.  And now, or all things, some Limey over there in England got out on a beach and drove his lawnmower at over 86 MPH!  Where’s it gonna end?

I think more of our young’uns need ta learn how to hop-up engines an’ such... instead of settin’ on their behinds, “tweeting.” That’s what I think, but then I am…

Justan O. Geezer