Lying Season

Well, the crops are ‘bout in, the leaves are turnin’ and the lying season is almost over.  And I ain’t talking ‘bout lying under the apple tree watchin’ clouds.  I’m talkin’ lying as in politicians lying.  Only 13 more days o' listenin' to political bullshit!

It’s amazin’ how them politicians can take any fact and twist it so much that nobody can recognize it.  Take Jeremy Schwartz, who’s runnin’ for City Council.  He's been runnin’ this here radio ad on KMOO.   Now I don’t reckon I’ve heard the voice before (some actor I guess) but part of the commercial says, “Do you really want a bank vice-president running Mayberry? Elect me, Jeremy Schwartz. I’ll be an honest voice for all the people, not just the rich.”

OK, I’ll skip over the obvious bullshit. Truth be told, he’s talking about Clyde Hammond, who manages the local branch of the Springfield Farmer’s Bank and Trust.  Now any fool knows that banks don’t got managers.  Instead, they give ‘em the high flauntin’ title of Vice-President.  Clyde’s got 3 or 4 people workin’ for him – depending on whether you include his wife, who sometimes brings his lunch down and occasionally helps tidy-up the place.  There’s one full-time Teller and a Secretary/part-time Teller/Cleaning Lady/Greeter and the “Vice-President” himself.  Yep, Clyde is so rich he drives a gray ’01 Taurus.

Now, what Jeremy ain’t sayin’ is that he is a lawyer who’s got 2 offices.  One down on Main and another up in Springfield.  About a year ago, he bought the Wyler place when it got foreclosed.  It happens to be just within the north boundaries of town.  Yep, Jeremy’s an official Mayberry resident and eligible to run fer office. 

Them’s the facts friend.  Guess who I’m gonna vote for.  I may not know much, but I certainly am…

Justan O. Geezer