Young'uns Health Study

One of my neighbors told me about a postcard he got t'other day from "The National Children's Study."  The card told him he was goin' to be getting some more mail from them, 'cause they was coming to do "recruitment" in his community.  Well first off, he thought it was one of them scams 'cause he ain't never heard of them before.  So, being the kind of guy he is, he decided to do some checkin' up.  Turns out it's some kind of study about young'uns and their environment and genetics and stuff like that.  It's being done by the government.  The National Institute of Health.  Reckon that's a right good idea though, seeing as how we got all them epidemics of asthma and autism and dyslexia and stuff goin' on.


He found out that even though he'd never heard of this here study, it'd been around for 11 years!  Congress "authorized" it way back in 2000 and they been spendin' money on it ever since.  First, they spent 7 years and almost $50 million during a "study phase."  Friend, you can be darned glad it don't take a farmer 7 years to decide if he wants to plant corn up on the hill or over by the creek.


And that was just the beginnin', neighbor.  For the last 4 years, they been in a "implementation phase."  In case ya don't know, that's the part where they actually start doin' something.  'Course anytime they go and use a big word like that instead o' just sayin' they're finally gonna do it, it's time to grab your waders.  So far they spent over $552 million on doing this study.  And it ain't nowhere near done!


So anyway, my neighbor had a question.  He said, "If I just got this card now, and they've already been at it 11 years, when are they going to finish and how much more is it going to cost?"  Sorry neighbor, but that's a couple of dumb questions all rolled up in one.  Yessir, you know it's gonna cost a bunch more and it'll be obsolete when it's done to boot! 


You know me, friend.  I got my own questions.  Not just what's takin' so long?  Or how come it costs so danged much?  But, ain't there another way?  Wouldn't ya think it'd be a whole lot easier to just add some questions to the Census?  ('Course with all that studying, they missed the last census.)  Or maybe they could ask them insurance companies to do it?  Them insurance companies already got records on ever'body anyway.


I know.  I know.  Too simple.  But Hell, I'll be long gone 'fore they git done. That's the way I see it friend, but remember I am...
Justan O. Geezer

America is shrinkin'

You young'uns probably don’t know it, but things used to come in some purdy standard sizes. You know, like a bushel of corn, a pound of coffee, a half-gallon of ice cream or a gallon of paint. There was standard sizes to most everything. Made it down right easy to figure what you’re gettin’ for your money.

Oh sure, there was a few non-standard things like a "bunch" of radishes. But you know'd there would always be 10 to 12 dependin' on their size.  And a pickle from the barrel could be different sizes too.  But you could always pick the one you wanted.  Now days things just ain’t standard no more.

Last week I was told it was time to paint over that flowered wallpaper in the parlor.  It been there 'bout 20 years.  Kinda needed a goin’ over since the spring house-cleanin's had 'bout  washed most of the flowers off anyway.  The fella up at the Ben Franklin said a gallon oughta do me 'bout right.  Might even have some left over.  So that's what I bought.

He also said my trusty old bristle brush probably weren't the way to go either, what with these new fangled paints.  So, I bought one of them roller and tray things and a brand new nylon brush for trimmin'.  Gotta admit, it did go faster.  Things were goin' just fine 'til I started into that last wall.  Looked like I was going to be a bit short… and I was.

Now I knew the fella at the hardware wouldn’t goin' to lie to me, so I checked the writin' on the back of the can before I said something.  It said a gallon of that there paint would cover 'bout 400-450 sq.ft.  Now by my calculations, I needed somewhere's around 370 sq.ft.  So I’m thinkin' that old wallpaper must of really soaked up the paint!  But that’s when I noticed it, neighbor.  That can of genuine Glidden Ultra Hide 1210 weren't no gallon at all!  It shrunk!  That can was only 124oz.  Oh sure, it was close, but still not a genuine 128oz. USofA gallon!  And OK, so maybe I still woulda been short a bit, but it sure got me to thinkin'.  What else got shrunk?  

    
You can bet your bottom dollar I’ll be checkin’ things from now on.  Reckon I better quit 'fore I really get worked up.  OK, so maybe it is just me, 'cause I am...
Justan O. Geezer

Veteran's day

Yep, it's Veteran's Day.  No mail today.  Banks are closed.  All the government offices are closed.  Court House is closed.  And most veterans are working today.  Ironic ain't it.  Vets have to work on the day set aside for them.


Some of us gotta work anyway.  Some chores can't wait.  An' some vets went and started their own businesses, so no time off for them.  But what about the majority of veterans?  Seems a down right shame that those who sacrificed to help keep this country free are the ones that gotta work today.  Maybe it's just me, 'cause I am...
Justan O. Geezer

It's Over!

Yep neighbor, it’s finally over.  Folks has voted and we can get back to watchin’ commercials for cars, cosmetics and them prescription drugs ya can’t get without tellin’ your doctor ya want ‘em.


Now that the votes are counted, looks like there’s gonna be some movin’ in and out of offices up in the state capitol. At least the movers there will have a job for a while. We’re danged lucky down here. Heck, we’re so small, we didn’t even get “visits” from them politicians.  Reckon we like it like that.  Sheriff CJ Gunn says we couldn’t afford having them guys traipsin’ around the county anyway.  Says his budget don't include all that overtime and extra deputies and all.  CJ is a real practical guy just like his father, Peter was.


'Round here, we don’t need no partisan politickin’.  We know who we’re gonna vote for ‘cause we talk to ‘em all the time.  We know what they really stand for.  Like Clyde Hammond, the bank manager.  He got reelected to Council.  No surprise there.  Jeremy Schwartz, that lawyer from Springfield didn’t get enough votes to count.  Wouldn’t be at all surprised to see him move now that he lost.  I’m guessing the old Wyler place’ll be back on the market right soon.  Not sure where Schwartz is going to move to next, but I’m sure he’ll run again.  Seems like carpetbaggin’s in his blood.


Any way, reckon we’ll get a little break from all them political ads.  After all, buying season is up next.   That’ll keep ever’body busy for a while.  But you can bet your last hog them ads'll be startin’ up again right after the New Years’ Day football game.   Meantime, I’m gonna set back an' enjoy the (relative) quiet.  As always, I am…
Justan O. Geezer