Young'uns Health Study

One of my neighbors told me about a postcard he got t'other day from "The National Children's Study."  The card told him he was goin' to be getting some more mail from them, 'cause they was coming to do "recruitment" in his community.  Well first off, he thought it was one of them scams 'cause he ain't never heard of them before.  So, being the kind of guy he is, he decided to do some checkin' up.  Turns out it's some kind of study about young'uns and their environment and genetics and stuff like that.  It's being done by the government.  The National Institute of Health.  Reckon that's a right good idea though, seeing as how we got all them epidemics of asthma and autism and dyslexia and stuff goin' on.


He found out that even though he'd never heard of this here study, it'd been around for 11 years!  Congress "authorized" it way back in 2000 and they been spendin' money on it ever since.  First, they spent 7 years and almost $50 million during a "study phase."  Friend, you can be darned glad it don't take a farmer 7 years to decide if he wants to plant corn up on the hill or over by the creek.


And that was just the beginnin', neighbor.  For the last 4 years, they been in a "implementation phase."  In case ya don't know, that's the part where they actually start doin' something.  'Course anytime they go and use a big word like that instead o' just sayin' they're finally gonna do it, it's time to grab your waders.  So far they spent over $552 million on doing this study.  And it ain't nowhere near done!


So anyway, my neighbor had a question.  He said, "If I just got this card now, and they've already been at it 11 years, when are they going to finish and how much more is it going to cost?"  Sorry neighbor, but that's a couple of dumb questions all rolled up in one.  Yessir, you know it's gonna cost a bunch more and it'll be obsolete when it's done to boot! 


You know me, friend.  I got my own questions.  Not just what's takin' so long?  Or how come it costs so danged much?  But, ain't there another way?  Wouldn't ya think it'd be a whole lot easier to just add some questions to the Census?  ('Course with all that studying, they missed the last census.)  Or maybe they could ask them insurance companies to do it?  Them insurance companies already got records on ever'body anyway.


I know.  I know.  Too simple.  But Hell, I'll be long gone 'fore they git done. That's the way I see it friend, but remember I am...
Justan O. Geezer