Dumb Voting

You know neighbor, come Tuesday, I’m gonna have one easy time voting.  Ain’t no need for them cheat-sheets and such.  I’ll be in and out quick.  Round here, everybody knows the candidates personal like.  All them “issues” is easy too ‘cause we been discussin‘em over breakfast or lunch for months.  Nobody knows for sure exactly how your neighbor’s gonna vote, but it don’t matter.  We all know the candidates and all the facts ‘bout them issues.  We can make intelligent decisions.  Reckon we’re right lucky.

Now, you neighbors in the big cities ain’t that lucky.  If’n you’re in a “swing state” it gotta be real bad for you.  All you get is that stuff(I’m being real nice today) on TV.  Bunches of folks ain’t even got a newspaper to peruse any more.  So if it ain’t some candidate bad-mouthin’ the other guy, its one of them “super PACs”  spendin’ their millions to persuade ya to their way of thinkin’.  ‘Course them politicians done it that way the last time they “reformed” election spending laws.  Now they can all lie and say, “weren’t me” at the same time.

Point is, most folks don’t really know squat ‘bout who they’re voting for.  Few folks actually do any homework.  Too busy?  Too lazy? Too tied to one political party or t’other?  Reckon there’s more reasons than Carter’s got pills.  Same goes for the issues.  All makes for dumb voters.

So, you really know who or what you’re votin’ for neighbor?  (Or maybe that there should be past tense if you did that early-votin’ thing).  Remember, if it don’t turn out the way ya like, don’t come runnin’ to me Clyde!

Justan O. Geezer

Income Tax Returns

Howdy neighbor.  I heard Romney finally announced what he paid for last year's income tax.  All I been hearin' since is how he only paid 14.1% while the President paid over 20%.  And how Obama paid almost 50% more than Romney.  Just thinkin' back to when somebody said the our German rocket scientists were better than them Russians German rocket scientists.  Well sir, I reckon Romney's bean counters is better than Obama's bean counters.

All them TV and media folks just keep yammerin' 'bout percentages.  Well, you and me don't never pay percentages.  We gotta pay real dollars.  So, I went and checked up on how much each of 'em payed in genuine greenbacks.
    Romney paid $1,935,708   
    Obama paid     $162,074
That'd be a might more than you and me pay.  And for them folks that's stuck on that percentage thing, Romney paid 1194% more than Obama paid.

You know, I ain't all that worried 'bout these rich guys.  (And yep, Obama made $789,674 so he's one of them rich guys too.)  I just got to thinkin' about all them OTHER rich guys out there.  How much tax (in real money) did they pay?  How much income tax did Warren Buffett pay?  Buffett says he should pay more.  Don't reckon I got a problem with that.  Like the younguns say, "go for it," Warren!

But, how about some of them rich guys that folks don't hear much about?  Like how much income tax did George Soros pay?  And what was Peter B. Lewis's income tax bill?  Sure 'nough like to know.  And maybe them media folks could tell us about the percentages too.  Oh yea, if you ain't heard of these guys, go google  'em, Clyde.
Justan O. Geezer

Maxwell House shrunk my coffee… again!

Howdy neighbor.  Here I go again.  Reckon it was a couple years ago when I last wrote about this here shrinking thing.  You know, where everything you buy in America’s been shrinkin’?  Well, they done it again.  This time they messed with my coffee!

I remember back when coffee only come in bags and you ground it fresh.  Right there in the grocery store.  You’d grab a bag off the shelf, open her up, dump the beans in a hopper and put the bag under a chute.  When you mashed the machine’s button, you got fresh ground coffee back in your bag.  Kinda worked like a silo, ‘ceptin’ there weren’t no conveyor belt.  You had to raise the bag up to the hopper yourself.  It was too high up for younguns, so that weren’t a problem.

Then they started grinding that coffee for you and puttin’ it in tin cans.  They said it was more sanitary that way.  Don’t reckon that was true.  Ain’t never heard of nobody getting’ sick from fresh ground coffee.   ‘Course they charged more for it too.  Said we was paying for them to do the grindin’ for us.  It come in 1, 2 and 3 pound sizes.  But that were a long time ago.  Before they stopped makin’ the 2 pound size, went to using plastic ‘cause it’s cheaper and started shrinkin’ everything.

I always bought the bigger size of my favorite Maxwell House coffee so’s I didn’t have to go into town so often.  Along the way that big size got down to being only 33 ounces.  A long shot from the original 3 pounds, but that’s what it was!  Well sir, the last one I bought come off this big sale display thing they had out there.  Took up half the isle way.  They was showin’ off this new plastic can that come with a big yellow splash on it that said “NEW!” in big RED letters and then under that, “Flavor Lock Pack.”

Well you know them big red letters got my attention, so I took a long hard gander at that can.  Yep, them buggers done shrunk my coffee AGAIN!  Now them cans only got 29.3 ounces in ‘em!  Maxwell House shrunk it OVER 10% this time!  Did they really think folks wouldn't notice?  Besides, how in hell did they ever come up with POINT THREE OUNCES?!  Don’t ya think a sane person would try and keep things nice an simple?  29.3 ounces?

Another thing.  Maxwell House used to have this catchy little phrase, “Good to the last drop.”  They used it on everything, even commercials way back in radio days.  Folks remembered it real good.  Well partner, it ain’t there no more.  Now they get a new saying, “Drops of good.”  What the heck does that mean?  Sure enough looks like they don’t want loyal customers no more.  Only their money.

I was out of coffee, so I bought it.  Next time I’m in town, you can bet your bottom dollar, I’ll be checkin’ out all them other brands.  Even Walmart’s brand.  I say this is gotta stop ‘fore they get down to a one cup can!

Justan O. Geezer

Wildlife Idiots

Well neighbor, I been thinkin’ bout what’s happened out there in Depoe Bay, Oregon.  That’s a town that sets right there on the Pacific Ocean.  Ain’t much bigger than Mayberry.  Course it ain’t as quiet.  That’s ‘cause they got a big old 4-lane runnin’ right thru town.  Reckon you might a heard of that road - Highway 101.  The one that’s bout as far west as you can get and runs from Mexico all the way up to Canada.  They got lots of folks in town most the year too.  Tourists.  Depoe Bay calls itself the “Whale watching capitol of Oregon.”  They say some grey whales hang out just off shore for 10 months of the year.

They also lay claim to having the “smallest navigable harbor in the world.”  You can maneuver your bass boat ‘round there easy, but your skiin’ jet boat might get a little tricky.  Ain’t ‘cause the harbor’s that small.  It’s 6 acres.  You see, the problem is that harbor’s loaded with them floatin’ docks from the local marinas!  Don’t believe me?  Go google up a picture, Junior.

Anyway, every 4^th of July the Chamber of Commerce puts on a shindig.  You know, music, prize drawings, sidewalk sales and such.  Been doin’ it for years.  Folks look forward to it.  Naturally, they top it off with a big fireworks show come sundown. 

Well not this year neighbor!  They had to cancel the fireworks.  Seems the US Fish and Wildlife Service said so.  Them fireworks is disturbing the Brandt’s Cormorants near town.  That’s a big black sea bird, Clyde.  Kinda ugly, if you ask me.  It ain’t even one of them “endangered species” or nothing.  No sir.  Them good folks at the Wildlife Service is just doin’ their job and enforcing the law.  That’d be the 1918 Migratory Bird Treaty Act.

So, if I understand right, all that traffic on Highway 101, all them whale-watchin’ tourists and the music and stuff from that 4^th of July party don’t bother the birds none.  Just the fireworks.  Like the younguns put it, “Just saying.”

Justan O. Geezer

Of Sheep, Shepherds & Dogs

Lately I been thinkin’ about that Bible story of the Good Shepherd. It’s one of them parables.  In case you don’t know, that’s where the Good Lord tells a story in terms the folks around Him can understand.  Anyway, this one’s about how a shepherd tends his sheep real good and how they follow where he leads.   Now you know it ain’t really about sheep at all.  It’s about Him leading folks to heaven.

Now if you think for a minute about them sheep, they got it right good, ya know?  They got nothing to do but wander around and they get lead to where they can eat all they want.  They get everything they need.  Yessir, shepherds treat their herds real good.  ‘Course the shepherd’s the only one that knows where the sheep are heading.  Them sheep don’t know they’re gonna end up on somebody’s table.

The shepherd knows what he’s doin’ but he can’t do ‘er all by hisself.  So, he trains some dogs to help keep all them sheep in line and together.  Sure ‘nough makes his job a bunch easier.  Matter of fact, them dogs do most the work for him.  All he’s gotta do is haul them sheep to market.

Maybe it’s just me, neighbor, but I see more than a slight parallel to what’s goin’ on in election politics now a days.  Kind of a modern day parable, ain’t it?  Reckon I just don’t follow that herd.

Justan O. Geezer