Homophobia

So, ya didn’t think I knew that word, much less could spell it, did ya.  Well neighbor, I can… even though I reckon it’s one of the dumbest words this side of a rock.  It wheren’t even a word until some hippies back in the 60s made it up.  An’ they musta been smokin’ somethin’ when they did, if you know what I mean.

They done made it up from 2 real words: homo – a Latin word meaning human being.  And phobia, from the Greek word phobos which means it scares the livin’ manure outta ya.

Now somehow or t'other, them hippies decided their fake word should mean - hatin’ those folk we used call queer.  OK, queer ain’t the best word either, but least it’s a real word.  And if you think about it, it does kinda describe how them folks act compared to most.  Anyway, that homophobia word is about wrong as tits on a boar hog.  It sure ain’t about all human beings and it ain’t about being scared of something either.

Maybe, if'n they hadn’t been smokin' or snortin’ something, they woulda used some other words that had a real meaning.  Take the word homosexual: Greek:homos and Latin:sexus.  Now there’s a word that’s been around a good 100 years longer and means what is says – same sex.  So if ya want, you can make a phobia outta that one and call it homosexiphobia.  'Course that wouldn’t be right either, friend!  Cause I ain’t never heard of nobody that was actually scared of no homosexuals.

Reckon I don’t rightly know of a good word to make up that would mean the right thing.  Gotta admit that.  But I do know that mostly folks just realize homosexuals are different and don’t really want to hear ‘bout their private lives.  Folks also pretty much realize that homosexuals are more like the rest of us than different from us.  Each got talents and faults.  Folks sure as hell ain’t scared of ‘em.  But mostly folks are just tired of hearin’ how the majority of us should change our ways to suit somebody else.  I just don’t cotton to ‘minority rule.’  But then, what do I know, I am…
Justan O. Geezer

Lying Season

Well, the crops are ‘bout in, the leaves are turnin’ and the lying season is almost over.  And I ain’t talking ‘bout lying under the apple tree watchin’ clouds.  I’m talkin’ lying as in politicians lying.  Only 13 more days o' listenin' to political bullshit!

It’s amazin’ how them politicians can take any fact and twist it so much that nobody can recognize it.  Take Jeremy Schwartz, who’s runnin’ for City Council.  He's been runnin’ this here radio ad on KMOO.   Now I don’t reckon I’ve heard the voice before (some actor I guess) but part of the commercial says, “Do you really want a bank vice-president running Mayberry? Elect me, Jeremy Schwartz. I’ll be an honest voice for all the people, not just the rich.”

OK, I’ll skip over the obvious bullshit. Truth be told, he’s talking about Clyde Hammond, who manages the local branch of the Springfield Farmer’s Bank and Trust.  Now any fool knows that banks don’t got managers.  Instead, they give ‘em the high flauntin’ title of Vice-President.  Clyde’s got 3 or 4 people workin’ for him – depending on whether you include his wife, who sometimes brings his lunch down and occasionally helps tidy-up the place.  There’s one full-time Teller and a Secretary/part-time Teller/Cleaning Lady/Greeter and the “Vice-President” himself.  Yep, Clyde is so rich he drives a gray ’01 Taurus.

Now, what Jeremy ain’t sayin’ is that he is a lawyer who’s got 2 offices.  One down on Main and another up in Springfield.  About a year ago, he bought the Wyler place when it got foreclosed.  It happens to be just within the north boundaries of town.  Yep, Jeremy’s an official Mayberry resident and eligible to run fer office. 

Them’s the facts friend.  Guess who I’m gonna vote for.  I may not know much, but I certainly am…

Justan O. Geezer

Hunting Season

Well folks, it's gittin' close to huntin' season round these parts.  An' ya don't need no calendar to tell you!  All ya gotta do is take a gander at Jesse's place as ya drive into town.


Yessir, ever year 'bout this time, Jesse rounds the herd up down by the barn.  Then he takes them in one at a time and spray-paints "N A D" on their flanks. Bright red.  Does it every year since some city-slicker shot up his prize bull.  It stands for "Not A Deer."


Sure hope them city fellas can all read.  Reckon so... it's worked so far.
Justan O. Geezer

White people can’t say nigger

Reckon that title makes me a racist, but I got somethin’ else to talk about first. There’s been a heap o’ noise lately about this Dr. Laura Schlessinger and her radio show. Didn’t know who she was till this flap. So I ain’t no fan of hers. And I do think she kind of went off the deep end there, if you know what I mean. But… if you read the whole conversation (at http://mediamatters.org/blog/201008120045), maybe she did have a point to make.

Why is it that some folks can use certain words in their everyday conversations, while other folks ain’t supposed to use the same words at all? Why is it Americans of Negro decent use the word nigger all the time, but if Americans who are white use it, they are labeled as racists? Heck, they could even be arrested and charged with a “hate crime.” So why is the word nigger banned, but other defamatory words like whitey, honky ‘n a bunch of other words ain’t banned? Is that equality?

Let’s face the ugly truth here folks: Everybody, black, white or green, has got prejudices. Like, I especially hate politicians tellin’ me bald-faced lies (and thinkin’ they’re getting’ away with it.). But I don’t hate folks just cause their skin looks different from mine. I’d pick cotton ‘long side any man (or woman). ...Though I’d probably get pretty riled up with some young whippersnapper who ain’t pickin’ his share.

That doctor lady done a damn poor job of it, but I do believe the point she was trying to make, was more akin to a saying my pappy used to have, “Weeds need hoed no matter what they look like.” If we’re supposed to be equal, how come we got different rules for different folks? We gotta get rid of all the weeds.

Oh yeah, I used that word that Dr. Laura and her black female caller used, so now I’m a racist. That got me to thinking ‘bout another thing that happened not long ago. This here fella, LeBron James (one hell of a basketball player) decided not to stay with his old team, the Cavaliers. The team owner, Dan Gilbert, threw a conniption over LeBron's “lack of loyalty to the fans.” Now even Ernie down at the Casey’s knows that Gilbert’s fit was really about losing his main draw at the gate. Now that poor millionaire will have to depend on income from his casinos. OK, but to continue this soap orpy, in steps the Rev. Jesse Jackson who made a statement saying Gilbert was “treating James like a runaway slave.” Nobody nailed Jackson to the cross for that one. Reckon only white folks can be racist.

But you know what? I really don’t give a plugged nickel, ‘cause I’m plumb tired of being called names myself. They don’t think I can hear ‘em, but I do. I ain’t deef yet. I hear ‘em call me an old hick. I am fed up to here with it. The next time one of them city folks calls me a hick, I’m going straight up there to the TV station and raise hell about the way I’m getting’ treated. I’m gonna demand I get respect, even if I am Justan O. Geezer.

The "news"

Seems I been hearing a bunch lately about how newspapers are dying out.  They say TV and the Internet are killing them.  Well friends, if TV is to blame, we're deep in horse feathers.  Better watch careful neighbor, cause if newspapers disappear, folks will never get real news.

Sure as the day is long, the news don't come from TV.  Them TV folks haven't “reported the news” since Huntley and Brinkley retired.  Now days all the TV news is telling sensationalistic stories, doing self-promotion and running commercials.  If ya listen real close, they even admit they're a bunch of story tellers.  How many times have you heard: "Here's Sam with the story on that horrendous fire downtown."(Everything is in superlatives.)

Then, just before every commercial break, they have to tell you what they are going to tell you.   The anchor/actor always says something like, “When we come back, we have the story about that runaway train in Springfield.” (By the way Slick, you can put money on that pony being the last story they’ll do.)  

Next, the weatherguy (or girl) is required to ask some dumb question like, “Will the rain continue into tomorrow? Coming up, we’ll tell you.”  Then, the sportscaster has to shout, “So how about them Gophers! Coming up in sports, we’ll have the scores of last night’s game!”  Nop, they sure ain’t reportin’ news, but they gotta fill up the time with something. Naturally, them teasers are followed by a full 3 minutes of 15 second commercials – with at least 2 commercials repeated.  Well friend, if you call that news, you ain’t the sharpest sickle in the shed.

Folks using the Internet for news might have a point.  The Internet does have a whole slew of news “sites.”  Of course you gotta watch for the ones that don't report all the news, just their version of the news.  Too bad there ain't no sheriff checkin’ to see who’s telling the truth on the internet!  Besides, you’d have a hard time haulin’ your computer into the “library,” if you know what I mean.

Reckon I’m glad we still got the Mayberry Post around these parts.  It only comes out once a week, but as their motto says, it’s “Everything You NEED to Know.”  Besides, the old papers come in handy for things like wrapping up stuff when you gotta store it away to make room for new stuff... or as emergency outhouse supplies.


Well, that's what I think, but I am...
Justan O. Geezer